Running for Jaime

Earlier this week a fellow mother runner lost her life. Out on her morning run, she was hit by a car. I don’t know any specifics other than she has 2 children. But details don’t matter. She and her family are in my heart and I will be running for her on Saturday March 15th along with others in our “community”.

I won’t us this post or her story to nag about safety. I know we all do the best we can. It is a tragedy. Plain and simple.

 

I just want to sit and cry

Another reason why running is so good for me:
It keeps me level headed. Ok, ok. It makes me better at pretending I’m level headed.

Last weekend I was battling a cold that moved into my chest. Then hub went into the hospital for his last round of chemo (FOREVER! Hopefully…) so I haven’t run since February 16th-ish.

I’m not saying I was used to running several miles a week but apparently I was.

I’m going CRAZY. I just want to sit and cry. All day long. 

Stupid things set me off into crying jags, my anxiety is through the roof and I just want everyone to leave me alone.

I’m desperate to get back out there and shed this… overwhelming blah.

There is a color run the day before my birthday (don’t even get me started on THAT!)… I think I’ll sign up for it. What better way to celebrate my mid twenties *ahem* than to cover myself with color?

Now what?

I received a reply from RunDisney about deferring my race entry. Given the circumstances, they said, it would be no problem to defer and I should be getting an email sometime today with further instructions. (… waiting …) 

So, after taking some time to get a hold of myself (by completely letting myself go, but that’s another post for another time.) I’ve come to realize that I’m actually grateful for the delay.

Would I have been ready to run the Princess Half this year? Yes, but not the way I would have wanted it and I think, deep down, that knowledge was creating an unhealthy anxiety that was clouding what should have been an exciting time.

We took my in laws to the beach this weekend and it was ARCTIC. So we had quite a bit of time to sit around, play games, and think. (Well, I did most of the thinking, I think).

I thought a lot about running and what I want out of it. Last year, my goal was to build up to a point that when I got to October I could follow the training plan provided by RunDisney and be ready.

This past year’s training was the best I could do considering the path our lives took.

By the time the dust settled, I’d missed a huge chunk of time and while I was proud of what I ended up accomplishing it wasn’t going to be enough.

But where do I ‘begin’ now? What training plan/level do I adhere to so far out? Am I a beginning runner or have I reached Experienced?

Do I just run? And how does one go about doing that?

I’ve never been one to say that I enjoy running. Love/hate relationship is more like it. I’m not one to take time for myself anyway (Martyr Mom) and towards the end, training began to feel like a chore.

I hate making the bed. Why do it when I’m just going to have to do it all over again tomorrow? But then it looks so pretty and I feel so accomplished… So I do it again tomorrow.

That’s how I feel about running.

And it’s why I’ll keep running. 

Because a made up bed looks so inviting and so does my runner’s body and mind!

 

Training for this year’s half did so much for me.

Physically – hello toning!, stamina, clearer skin, better sleep

Emotionally – improved mood, lower anxiety, better sense of self

By focusing on all the positives, I’m going to stay positive and make running a more integral part of my life and not just something I have to do to train.

I’m not going to use some race to prove my self worth. I’ll prove it everyday I run.

 

Image

My A-HA! moment.