Living vicariously

I didn’t do it to torture myself, but I thought I could handle it. 

I was so proud of everyone running today. 

I see my friend’s pictures on Facebook and I still follow the Run Disney page and as happy as I am for her and everyone else, it absolutely crushes me that I wasn’t there.

I don’t resent the reason we chose to stay behind, but I’m hoping my fellow runners can understand the loss I feel today. I hope no one has ever had to feel this disappointment, but I need someone to tell me it’s ok to mourn this lost opportunity as well. 

I keep telling myself that the training has not been wasted. I still accomplished something I never thought possible and now the foundation has been laid for my future races. 

Will I run the Princess Half next year? I hope so. Will I run a half sooner? I don’t know. I caught Prince Charming looking at the Wine and Dine half earlier today… 

As irrational as it is, I’m scared to plan anything now. Nothing good ever seems to come of it lately. 

Pity party, table for one!

I’ll get over it. I just needed a day to mope.

Running tomorrow. I hope I don’t cry.

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Broken hearted

Late last night, Prince Charming’s grandma passed away. She’d been diagnosed with colon cancer in December and left this world, peacefully, in her sleep. 

Grandma was a petite, soft spoken woman with a kind soul and lovely heart. She was a devout woman and in the 18 years I’d known her, I’d never heard her speak unkindly of anyone. 

She will be greatly missed.

Needless to say, we have canceled our trip to Disney. They’ve been wonderful and accommodating by refunding the total cost of our trip. I’ve heard my race entry can be deferred. I’ll be looking into that. 

 

Two days until we leave for Disney!!

and I have so much to do! 

In laws arrive Wednesday and my house is a WRECK! Like, laundry room/storage room exploded (got a new freezer. YAY!), normal everyday book bags, shoes, homework, clean and dirty clothes, goodwill donation boxes that I’ve been meaning to get out everywhere! … and while I was putting food into the pantry I found a huge puddle of water and mold behind a box on the floor. Where is the water coming from I ask you!

Did I mention that I still have to pack and that I have still have 2 full days left of work? 

Also, I was reminded at work today that, you know, that little HALF MARATHON I’m running? Is THIS WEEKEND.

THIS.

As in, it will be here sooner than soon. 

This YEAR of training culminates into this one day, this 3 hours of sweat and tears (I’m totally going to bawl, hopefully after the race.)

I’m so very ready and not ready all at once.

 

I took a deep breath

and remembered to take my vitamins (Super B keeps me sane. Like woah.) I still haven’t made it past 10 miles, but that’s ok. 

At this time next week, Prince Charming and I will be half way to Orlando. My focus has shifted, finally. Sure I’m still a bit worried about my time. I mentioned before that I signed up for a pace group, the slowest, a 3 hour pace. Um, yeah, that would be a 14 min mile pace. I’m an idiot. If I can maintain that pace… let’s just say it will border on miraculous. 

But it’s ok. 

WE’RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD WITHOUT THE KIDS!!! 

I may have mentioned we’re in NC. Our children go to school year round which means they have periodic 3 week breaks after each 9 weeks. (4 tracks with staggered start dates). So, my children had Winter break, and then their usual 3 weeks. They were off for 5 weeks. When they finally tracked back in, we got hit by Leon. Out of school for 4 days. FINALLY go back to school… for 2 days. Then, BAM! Pax.

Our area of NC got 4 inches of snow yesterday. An inch or more came today.

THEY CLOSED STARBUCKS!

If they go back by Monday, I’ll be shocked. 

I can’t wait to get the hell out of here! Even if it means I have to run a half marathon to do it.

I should be using all this “free” time to be getting ready for our trip. Making lists, doing laundry, beginning to pack, catching up on promotion at work related stuff… and I will. After I trek through the snow to get to the treadmill at the gym.

17 days. DAYS! OMG.

It’s totally normal to have stomach ulcers and almost paralyzing anxiety before a race, right? I mean, I haven’t really seen it mentioned in any of my running magazines or training manuals… but it’s normal, right??????

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? 

I can’t even be like, “WOOO I’m going to Disney World!” because I’m all like *GAG* “I’m ‘running’ a HALF MARATHON at Disney.”

Who said I could work full time, try to get a promotion, run a household, deal with the Heirs and an occasionally out of commission Prince Charming, and not try to kill myself running more miles than I’ve ever run in my always – been – the – fat kid life?

Ok. I’ve got this. It will be ok.

Also, if someone could come clean my room for me so I can find all my clothes that I need to pack, that’d be great.