Watching my world burn

Forgive me everyone, I’m in a dramatic mood.

It’s a first in this particular segment of my life. I’m pretty sure I like angry the best, although bitter has it’s perks. I’ll have to let you all know.

As you may or may not know from my last post, Prince Charming was recently diagnosed with cancer. Leukemia to be exact. It’s weird, to throw that word around so casually. It seems as though a lifetime has passed, but it’s only been 2 weeks since he’s been diagnosed, a week and one day since he was admitted into the hospital after an emergency room visit, and 5 days since he began chemo.

In the past week, I’ve managed to run myself into the ground, physically and emotionally and I’m sick because of it. And forget about running

I think I’ve finally reached a moment when I can sit back and take it all in. For the past 2 weeks we’ve been riding this tidal wave into whatever level of hell it’s had in store for us, but for now the water is calm. I know more is coming, I’m not that stupid (or lucky).

Tomorrow night, my Prince will get his last round of chemo… We’re hoping it’s his last, last, but a bone marrow biopsy next week will tell us for certain. Even if everything is clear, he’ll have a few more weeks left in the hospital to make sure the marrow that grows back remains clear.

Until then, my mother will be flying in and helping me with the boys and getting the house ready for my Prince’s return.

I haven’t been a religious person in a very long time, but I pray everyday that we get through this.

I pray we pass this test.

Losing him would be so devastating that the change in me would be irrevocable.

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