It’s been a rough month

Is that a big enough understatement? 

Prince Charming begins another round of chemo this week. The first round got a good bit but there is some “residual cancer”.

I won’t go into gory details, but, chemo sucks, cancer sucks, and we’re so very lucky to have so many wonderful people in our life. 

I took a few moments, and ran today. Nothing fancy, but it needed to get done. 

I’ve spent the past month walking around in an anxiety ridden fog. I never thought the pain in my chest would end. Or the tears.

It’s not over. 

I don’t know when I’ll run again, but I’m hoping this high will get me through one more month of this.

12:30 mile.

Watching my world burn

Forgive me everyone, I’m in a dramatic mood.

It’s a first in this particular segment of my life. I’m pretty sure I like angry the best, although bitter has it’s perks. I’ll have to let you all know.

As you may or may not know from my last post, Prince Charming was recently diagnosed with cancer. Leukemia to be exact. It’s weird, to throw that word around so casually. It seems as though a lifetime has passed, but it’s only been 2 weeks since he’s been diagnosed, a week and one day since he was admitted into the hospital after an emergency room visit, and 5 days since he began chemo.

In the past week, I’ve managed to run myself into the ground, physically and emotionally and I’m sick because of it. And forget about running

I think I’ve finally reached a moment when I can sit back and take it all in. For the past 2 weeks we’ve been riding this tidal wave into whatever level of hell it’s had in store for us, but for now the water is calm. I know more is coming, I’m not that stupid (or lucky).

Tomorrow night, my Prince will get his last round of chemo… We’re hoping it’s his last, last, but a bone marrow biopsy next week will tell us for certain. Even if everything is clear, he’ll have a few more weeks left in the hospital to make sure the marrow that grows back remains clear.

Until then, my mother will be flying in and helping me with the boys and getting the house ready for my Prince’s return.

I haven’t been a religious person in a very long time, but I pray everyday that we get through this.

I pray we pass this test.

Losing him would be so devastating that the change in me would be irrevocable.

There is no training for this

I figured hearing the news we got on Tuesday would have caused that cold, creeping dread. A kick in the gut feeling, a breathless, frantic panic.

But all I could do was raise my hands to my face and cry.

Prince Charming hadn’t been feeling well. Flu like symptoms and a recurring infection had him at the Dr. Monday morning.

I remember telling him, after he told me about his follow up visit scheduled for the next day, that if he had diabetes I was going to be so mad at him. For years I’d been on to him about his weight. His father is a type 2 diabetic and his older brother was diagnosed this year.

I was not expecting cancer.

Acute Myelogenous Leukemia.

My husband has fucking cancer.

My soul aches

We meet with an oncologist/hematologist next week, but his PCP seems to think his prognosis will be good. After all, he’s only 33.

There is just all that pesky stuff in between now and then that we’ll have to deal with.


I found this saying on Pinterest last Sunday. It struck a chord at the time and it’s even more potent now for me and Prince Charming.